Theres no place like Home

I want to tell you about our wonderful night that we had in Las Cruces,New Mexico. I’m logged into my Verizon account using Mike’s computer and Air card. You should have seen the Hell Hole that we landed in last night. First we had been driving for over 12 hours so everyone was happy to get out of the car. We didnt take the RV because we could go on a Hawian Vacation with the thousands of dollars it would have cost in gas. We’re staying at the Hampton in Las Cruces so one would expect a decent room. We open the door and it looks like the $25.00 casino special at the Oasis. No couch there was barely room for a little chair. Mike is bringing in our luggage while I’m finding a nice clean place to lay the baby. I’ve watched enough Date Line specials to know never to sit on or touch the top of hotel comforter blankets. I pull back the comforter and see that the sheets are wrinkly with ass cheek imprints imbedded into the mattress. There are little pubic hairs all over the bed. I pull back the other bed sheets and they are clean. Still I don’t want to sleep hear. I’m not going to let my kids touch anything and we can barely move because the room is so small. Mike calls the front desk and asks them to please bring us some clean sheets. The manager said that they would move us to another room but Mike said that’s not necessary we just needed clean sheets. She insisted that we move to another room. Twenty minutes later were done moving our stuff into the new room right next to this one. Wouldn’t you know it the same thing different room except this time both beds are dirty? One dirty room Ok, two dirty rooms – no way. So Mike walks to the front desk to tell them that they have a serious housekeeping issue and to please just bring us some clean sheets. So the manager Joyce comes in with clean sheets. I asked her to change the comforter tops while she was at it. I should have asked for new pillow s since I spent the rest of the night wondering how many prostitutes had been propped up on these ones. I’m sitting on the heater holding the baby, because that’s the only place to sit besides the toilet. Joyce proceeds to tell us her whole freaking life story. Thirty minutes later she finally leaves. Just then the Pizza man knocks on the door. The Pizza man tells us his whole life story. And wouldn’t you know it; he is actually a Hollywood actor who was just auditioning in LA the day before. Yet he has delivered pizza at dominos for the last five years just because, "he likes to". Never mind that his eyes were bugging out of his head. He looked like a thirty something year old, TWEAKER. Mike walks over to the gas station next door to get us some beer. We thought a good buzz might help us forget about all the germs. While were sitting on the bed eating pizza, drinking beer, watching the Wizard of Oz----because we can’t get the Cowboys game on; I glance over to look at Dillon and see long blond hairs hanging off of the lamp shades. Then looking to my left I notice light from the outside ----coming inside threw the huge gap. The gap was every bit of an inch from under the door jam. Mike stuffs a towel over it to keep the creators out. He makes the comment that if it was summer time lizards and snakes would probably be in our room. Snakes eat rodents and there’s no question that this rat infested shit hole is one Big Buffet. So there’s nothing left to do but get trashed and get some sleep, so we can get the hell out as soon as morning comes. There was no way in hell that I was going to put the baby in the disgusting crib that they had left for us. And despite our best efforts to convince Dillon to stay off the floor he was buzzing around the room like a Tasmanian devil. It’s no wonder considering that he had been cooped up in the car for the last 12 hours. He couldn’t help himself and seemed to be touching everything including the walls. Needless to say he got one bed all to himself lying in his own little germ pile. Rather than calling in a hazmat unit, we went to bed with the baby between us in double bed. I was almost asleep when I heard threw the paper thin walls that another unsuspecting family was settling into the dirty room that we had just vacated…..Seriously! Threw out the night we could hear what sounded like cats meowing. We think it was the neighbor’s kids but the annoying tone resembled starving kittens. So its 4:00 am and I’m in the shower holding the baby when I notice pubs all over the bathroom floor and shower walls. There not my pubis… and we can’t blame them on Madalynn because she doesn’t even have hair on her head let alone her Yahoooo. And to top it all off there’s no freaking conditioner so my hair is all knotted. Word of advice never EVER stay at the Hampton in Las Cruces, New Mexico. Better yet don’t stop in Las Cruces at all. Other than the Nasty Hotel room, our trip is going incredibly well. Both kids are content and I am happily surprised at how well the baby travels. We stop about every two and a half hours for 15 to 20 minutes to feed, burp and change ditties. The only thing missing from this hotel visit would have been if there would have been headboard banging from the other wall. Oh wait, then it would have been exactly like staying at the Oasis, in Mesquite Nevada. UPDATE: In the end Mikes Hilton Dimond Club rewards points were reimbursed. Because Hampton's are owned by Hilton, they appologized after Mike politely explained the condition that the Las Cruces Property is in.