I Just Couldnt tell Dillon

So all of my friends and family new that I was realy struggling with what I had to do. Soffie was miserable. Regardles of her pain when we came home she would stand up shaking the whole time barely able to get up but always hobbled over to greet us when we walked in the door. Soffie started to smell realy bad almost as if she was rotting from the inside out. I blambed myself for not being the kind of pet owner that she deserved. Every dog should go out for daily walks. By the time I came home I was exhausted and spent the rest of the night chacing Dillon around. The day I took Soffie in to be uthinized. It was like she knew. She sat in the back set with Dillon. Half way threw the drive she hoisted herself up towards me and layed her head on my right shoulder while I was driving. I had sunglasses on so Dillon didnt notice the tears streaming down my face. Soffie couldnt have been comfortabe sitting the way she was but just like old times driving all over the country like I use to do...she was by my side, I was her shoulder to lean on. When we got to the Animal Hospital I told Dillon that if he sat and read a book that I would get him a treat. He wanted to go in to see the vet like he always dose. Dillon liked to tell the Doctor what Soffies likes and the park she likes.... But I couldn't scar him for life by alowing him to witness this. So I use my common method of parenting "bribery". Soffie was so heavy that we couldnt get her on the table. I sat down on the groud by her and stroked her forhead while they gave her the shot. It was one of the hardest most horrable things Ive experienced. It seemed like she was going into a deep sleep then she started coughing and gasping for air. I paniced and told the nurse Its not enough! Give her more! shes in pain! They expained to me that this was the death rattle. Horrified I still begged them to give her more so shed stop hurting... and then she was gone. But her spirit was still there and I felt like she was watching me. The doctor and his nurse left and let me stay with her for a while. I had to pull myself together and go play cutzie for Dillons sake. When I came out of the room I thanked the girl at the desk for talking to Dillon while I was in the appointment then got ready to leave. Dillon asked me "Where's Soffie Mom?" I chocked...I just couldnt tell him there would be no way for him to understand. Dillon had never experienced death. I told him "Ya know how Soffies been sick, well the Doctor is going to keep her hear and take care of her then call us to pick her up when shes better". For a week Dillon told everyone we know that Soffie was sick at the Doctors. Finally the day came for me to go pick up the ashes. That was the day I explained that Soffie wasnt coming home. That she fell asleep and died peacefully and that now she was in Doggy Heaven. We talked alot about how neat it is in Doggy Heaven. On occation Dillon will still randomly blurt out- "Mom I miss Soffie." I light heartedly reply in a perky voice, "I do to, but I bet shes having fun playing up in heaven today". Dillon knows that I believe that we will see her again and that she is our gardian angle.